A Daughter's Thoughts…

On my “About” page there’s a cut down version of my testimony. Here I just want to share with you how I’ve encountered the Lord and what He has done in my life.

I was born here in London to loving parents from Jamaica. My dad wasn’t religious apart from playing Jim Reeves records on Sundays, my mum brought me to a CofE church every Sunday when she could. This was cool with me until I reached say, age 14 or 15. I remember thinking that there had to be more than this… week in week out I used to go to this ritual but saw nothing Christian Monday to Saturday except for the various pictures of Jesus on my parents’ walls and other trinkets. My disillusion grew but I wasn’t interested in seeking God for myself.

When I was 17, one Sunday morning my mum called me to get up and go to church. I refused. That was the first time I ever saw her plead with me (Mum, quite rightly, was never one to negotiate with her offspring, LOL). By that time I resented being made to sing in the choir when I really didn’t want to. I felt that I was being shown off, “Look at my daughter, she’s a good girl and loves CHURCH”. To this day, my mother will emphasise that it’s good to love CHURCH (as in going to a building every Sunday) rather than loving Jesus

Well I grew more and more rebellious, thinking that I knew everything. My life descended into immorality, partying and so on. I remember crying once when I was about 18 or 19, thinking that God may be what I needed but looking back I was looking more for a god to fix things for me rather than a God who should be worshipped. When I was about 20, I started to read books by the likes of Iyanla Vanzant. After several months of trying to repeat affirmations and trying to have a “positive attitude” I came away thinking that all spirituality was a con. I recall reading a letter in The Voice saying that Black people were inherently spiritual. I rolled my eyes and thought, “yeah right”. So I continued to just live my life as I saw fit.

When I was 21, my best friend asked me to be her son’s godmother. I accepted, but seriously considered changing my mind as I knew that I’d have to promise to help raise the child as a Christian and by this time I knew that I wasn’t one. Still, I showed my face at the church with her as we felt we were “supposed” to do. When we got home we both had an urge to read the Bible but felt lost without a compass. I thought I knew a lot about God as I went to church so often as a  child but I soon found out I knew next to nothing and I most certainly did not know Jesus. Little did I know that the Holy Spirit was at work. A few months passed and I wanted to find out more about Christianity. This was 1998 and I hadn’t had my own PC or access to the Internet yet. I saw an advert on Teletext for Premier Christian Radio and began to listen ardently.

One night I picked up a Gideons Bible that my sister had, and read the parable of the prodigal son. Now I had heard this as a child but this time, I got the impression that I was the prodigal one and that I too could be welcomed home by my Father! Prior to this I was prone to skipping reading the parts of the Bible that talked about judgment and Hell and the book of Revelation as they scared me! Well to hear that there was an answer was news to me. I heard many preachers on the radio tell me to pray the “sinner’s prayer” and I did, yet I knew that there was no change.

I wanted to find a church but was adamant that I wasn’t going back to my mum’s church as I knew that I’d never heard a clear presentation of the gospel. I remembered a pentecostal church I’d visited a year or so before and recalled that I thought it unusual to see people bringing their own Bibles! The morning that I went I changed my mind about giong two or three times. I thought that a church like that was no place for a sinner like me to go to, that it was for “good people”.

The pastor preached on Acts 26:28, “Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian” and preached about repenting and trusting in Christ. The penny dropped! I believed and cried for forgiveness and found peace like I’d never known. I was baptised a few months later and was a member there for about 9 years. People noticed a change in me, no more was I foul mouthed and other changes were evident, all glory to God.

I thank God that He’s given me a new heart. I am ashamed of how I once was but am being renewed day by day. I love Jesus and tell others about Him. I know that there was no way that my own efforts at morality could even come close to what regeneration could do.

Well done if you got this far! Lord willing, tomorrow I’ll share with you my husband and my journey leaving Pentecostalism and embracing the Doctrines of Grace.